My Heart Goes Out To Vanessa Bryant and Her Daughters
“Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.”
― Rossiter Worthington Raymond
Back in 2003, I remember watching the latest scandal to rock the news. Kobe Bryant was being accused of a heinous crime involving a 19 year old girl. I don’t recall what news channel it was on, but I do remember Kobe holding a press conference to deny the allegations. At his side, clutching his hand the whole time, with more strength than Goliath, was Vanessa Bryant holding their 6 month old daughter.
I have never forgotten her strength on display that day - as a young mother and as a wife.
The years past. I moved away from Los Angeles and of course stopped going to Laker’s Games. When my own marriage imploded in 2008 I happily cut myself off from watching sports altogether. Kobe’s name still circulated in the news from time to time, but I had no clue that they had gone on to have even three more daughters. Until, that is, he and his daughter died in a helicopter accident a few weeks ago on their way to a basketball game.
And just like that - in the blink of an eye Vanessa’s entire world gets blown into smithereens. She woke up on the day of the accident likely, just the same as she did every day. Devoted Mother of four beautiful girls, dedicated wife and number 1 supporter to her husband. And in one nanosecond, her life changes again forever.
How many of us have been in that position? I’m guessing pretty much all Single Moms. Unless you are one of those incredibly courageous super-women who make a conscious decision to be a single-Mom by design (you are my hero), the rest of us can likely relate to an extent of what Vanessa is going through. In one pivotal moment our lives were also upended, our plans for our happily ever after yanked up by the roots and thrown into the fire. But … (and here’s a key lesson) THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT WE DON’T GET A HAPPILY EVER AFTER. It just means we get a different happy ending than the one we were planning. And as a SMG (Single Mother Goddess), we’re now in the driver’s seat to determine what that will look like.
Of course this all takes time. I am looking at my SMG journey now 10 years down the road. Poor Vanessa is just a few weeks in and has, on top of it all, the loss of her daughter to grieve over also. I cannot even begin to imagine her pain.
If she was a friend of mine, here is what I would tell her in terms of dealing with her transition as a SMG
Be very gentle on yourself. And your girls. You are each other’s everything and let no one, or no thing ever come between you.
The sun WILL come out again, I promise. It might take a while, and it will look different, but there can still be a very beautiful life for you and your daughters to lead.
Go on social media and pull off all the copies of Kobe’s family photos and social media postings. His comments will mean so much to your daughters - especially your baby girl. It was so obvious what an amazing, beaming father he was and that his girls were his world. They need to remember that as they navigate through life. Even though he is not here anymore, he is still their anchor.
Grief is a very strange process. It’s not cyclical and its not linear. One minute you can be fine and the next something triggered you and the pain you experience comes flooding back like a tidal wave. Know that over time it is not true that the pain gets less. It doesn’t. It stays the same size, but what grows is the size of your life around it, so it takes up a smaller part.
You are stronger than you could ever imagine. You WILL survive this and life will be beautiful again - a different kind of beauty, but immense and glorious.
Only surround yourself with people who build you up and lift you up. Avoid all others like the plague.
Remember NO is a complete sentence.
You can do this.
Sending Vanessa and her girls so much love. You are in our thoughts and prayers.