Top Tips to Keep Your Kids Safe Online - Part 2
Today we continue our incredibly important discussion regarding how to keep your kids safe online. To quickly recap, we've encouraged you to:
● Set usage limits
● Instruct your kids to protect their privacy
● Opt for a high traffic area for placement of computers
● Explore your child's browser history
● Lead by example
These are great, helpful, and effective tools. However, the reality is, as our kids get older, and transition from tweens to teens, they will likely spend a lot of their waking hours in front of a screen. You probably don't love the idea of it; we don't either. However, it is possible to give our kids some online freedom while still doing our best to protect them.
The top online threats for tweens and teens include some very serious stuff - cyberbullying, sexting, online predators, and pornography. It's downright scary to imagine our innocent and precious kids potentially being exposed to any of this. Thankfully, there is hope and there are steps we can take to safeguard our kids.
A common reason why parents put off talking to their kids about online safety is they are overwhelmed and not sure where to begin. It's nerve-wracking for sure, but it's far too important of a topic to ignore. Once kids reach the age of 12, nearly 70% of them will have a smartphone! These youngsters and all others need to learn how to be cyber-wise. As parents, it's our job to teach them! Continue to use the 5 tips mentioned above, but let's add additional hefty armor to our arsenal of protective tools.
Additional Ways to Keep Your Kids Safe Online
● Talk to your kids about the dangers of the internet and put your rules in writing. If you need a little help, check outthe smart talk, an online tool specifically designed to help parents empower their kids to become smart digital citizens. In 2015, the National PTA and NortonLifeLock teamed up to create this free amazing resource. Together with your kids, you can create a comprehensive plan that clearly lists your online/screen time rules and expectations in just a few steps. If you need a little extra support, take a peek at their guidebook. It's full of information and tips to help you navigate constructive conversations around technology.
● Consider a subscription to an online monitoring service like Bark. Bark monitors online activities for potential issues like cyberbullying, sexual predators, adult content, depression, acts of violence, suicidal ideation, and more. Their award-winning technology monitors text messages, emails, YouTube, and 30+ social media platforms, sending timely alerts to parents and guardians. Bark provides a digital safety net that is more effective and efficient than manual spot-checking while simultaneously preserving children's privacy. Parents don't get access to everything; Bark only sends alerts when it detects potentially concerning issues. This is a great way to give your kids some freedom while still feeling good about their online activity. Click here to watch a short video that explains how Bark works.
● Rely on expert advice and resources. There are a ton of reliable and reputable resources right at your fingertips. Don't feel like you have to figure things out on your own or tackle those super serious and sensitive subjects without any help. Below, we've linked some excellent resources for you. They will assist you in learning more and will encourage productive conversations with your tweens and teens.
● internetmatters.org - A not-for-profit organization that has a simple purpose: empowering parents and caregivers to keep children safe in the digital world. They provide guidance on some of the toughest topics - sexting,cyberbullying, privacy and identity theft, inappropriate content, online grooming (grooming is a word used to describe people befriending children in order to take advantage of them for sexual purposes), online pornography,online reputation, and more. They also offer advice by age (young children, pre-teen, and teen), have a social media advice hub, and offer app guides and resources.
● Organization for Social Media Safety - A national nonprofit dedicated to making social media safe for everyone. They offer a free parenting course, "Buckling the Social Media Seatbelt SuperCourse." Parents will learn how to keep their children safe on social media - the conversations to have, the rules to set, and the device and app settings to calibrate. You can also join their mailing list to receive tips, news, and best practices to help your kids stay safe on social media.
● Common Sense Media - Since 2003, Common Sense Media has been a leading source of entertainment and technology recommendations for families and schools. Each day, millions of parents and educators trust Common Sense Media reviews and advice to help them navigate the digital world with their kids. On theirsite, they provide blogs that address topics parents are likely to find extremely helpful. Some of the categories include cellphone parenting, social media, technology addiction, privacy and internet safety, cyberbullying, screen time, gaming,healthy media habits, and digital citizenship.
● Ask your child to "friend" you on social media. Tweens and younger teens might be totally okay with this, but it's likely older teens won't be quite as thrilled. However, being connected to family members online can provide a sense of accountability to your teens. If they know their posts and images could be viewed by their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others they are likely to think twice before sharing questionable or inappropriate content.
● Know the risks of Snapchat. All social networking sites have their pros and cons, but since Snapchat is immensely popular with pre-teens and teens, let's look at some of its biggest risks, so you can address them with your kids.
● Snap Map - Displays the user's location on a map in real-time, showing the actual street they are on. Someone looking at the Snap Map can easily see how long it would take them to get to your teen's location (as the map shows how many miles they are from your teen). While users can turn this feature off or use it in ghost mode, most teens use the feature regularly. When a teen allows their location to be seen, they are giving access to ALLof their Snapchat contacts (including those they do not actually know in person).
● Snapstreaks - These seem to be more important to tweens and younger teens, but with a Snapstreak ("streaks" as the kids call them), two users have snapped back and forth within a 24-hour period for 3 days in a row. Once they've established a streak, special emojis and statistics appear next to the streakers' names to show how long they've maintained a streak. There are kids that maintain their streaks for days, months, or even years. Why do some users care about streaks? Because streaks add to their overall Snapchat score (the higher your score, the cooler you are). The real issue with streaks is the amount of time that kids invest in them. If you've never seen a tween or young teen get their phone taken away and have to miss their streaks, I can confirm their reaction is usually quite upsetting and very dramatic. Kids often feel like their streak partners will be mad at them for breaking the streak. Plenty of teens have given their friends their Snapchat passwords (a big no-no) just to have their friends keep their streaks going. The thought of breaking a streak can lead to feelings of pressure, anxiety, and compulsion.
● Quick Add - This feature allows teens to connect with a wide circle of strangers. Through quick add, kids only see the names and usernames of the people/"friends" being suggested and often assume those people are safe and allow them access to see their stories and chat with them. Snapchat does allow users to turn the quick add feature off.
To learn more about Snapchat, click here.
● Look for signs of trouble. Even the brightest and best kids can fall into temptation online and make poor decisions. And even if your kids steer clear of temptations and poor decisions, they can be highly influenced by what they see online. While social media is sometimes used to combat loneliness, a substantial body of research suggests it may have the opposite effect. By triggering comparison with others, it can raise doubts about self-worth, potentially leading to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Therefore, it's important to recognize these warning signs that indicate your teen might be in trouble:
● Secretive behavior like hiding their screen when you enter a room or changing their password/keeping it from you
● Creating new accounts or using secret apps like Finsta (Fake Instagram) or Sinsta (Secret Instagram)
● Engaging in self-harm
● Becoming sullen or withdrawn
● Losing interest in friends or activities
● Displaying strong emotional responses after going online/experiencing major mood swings
If you notice any of the above warning signs, have a serious chat with your teen and follow up with their primary care physician and/or mental health professional.
Because it was addressed in Part 1, we didn't explicitly cover usage limits and privacy matters. However, those are critical! Be sure to discuss these with your teen and include them in your written internet rules.
We know that handing over a smartphone to a tween or teen can be stressful and intimidating. While the kids are often absolutely elated, we worry, and for good reason. We worry about what they'll see, say, and maybe even do. Our best line of defense in keeping our teens safe online is communication. It's never too early (or too late) to start talking to our kids about internet safety.
Let your kids know the online threats you're concerned about and discuss ways to avoid them. Be open to hearing their perspectives too. The more your kids feel heard, the more likely they are to follow through with your expectations. By starting a dialogue about internet safety, you open the door for your kids to come to you if something uncomfortable, strange, or scary happens and that is so important!
As always, please know you don't have to walk this parenting journey alone. We're in this together, friend! For continued tips and support, join our email list. We'll notify you when new posts are uploaded. We're also on Instagram.