Thinking of being a single mom foster parent? Here's some advice from one

"Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love." — Mother Teresa

You're a rock star parent, even on those days that you don't feel like you amount to much, and you're in a place in your life where you feel like you can start to give back and invest in your community. Perhaps fostering children has occurred to you, and you keep circling back to it, wondering if it's the right path for you. Maybe you haven't really thought much about it, but it's something that has piqued your interest from time to time. There is such a need in our communities for good foster parents, and that's a void that you think you might be able to step into. As a single mother, you might be thinking that they'll never let you foster, but that's not true at all. Your marital state doesn't even enter into the question, as long as you can afford the additional expense. There are just a few practical things to consider first, and they all come by asking a few simple questions before you dive in.

Is there room in your home?

Whether you have a standalone house or live in an apartment doesn't matter. What matters is that you have the room for additional children. Laws do vary by state (and sometimes even by county!) so always double-check your region before going all in. In general, though, children above the age of 4 have to be separated by gender, even if they are siblings. Children can absolutely share rooms, though most states limit the number of children per room. Bunk beds are a great option for smaller rooms, too. In general, plan for two kids per room and separate rooms for boys and girls. This includes your biological children. 

Is there room in your schedule?

Perhaps the more accurate question is "can you make room in your schedule?" Foster children come with a whole new set of appointments to keep. Many states and agencies require that a child be seen by a doctor for a wellness check within seven days of placement, so you have to be certain that you can take that time from work if needed. Each child has a caseworker that needs to visit at least once a month, if not more. It's recommended and sometimes required, that each child have a weekly therapy visit. Some children need to visit an occupational therapist, as well. You will sometimes be very busy; if you are already running ragged to keep up with extracurricular activities that your own children have, you may want to sit down and really look at your schedule. That's not to say that every day will bring another appointment, but some cases may have you scheduling standing appointments four or five days out of the week. 

Do you have a support network?

Whether it's venting about whatever comes your way, or asking someone to pick up a kid from daycare so that you can take another kid to urgent care, you're going to need a few friends here and there. Sure, it's absolutely possible to do it alone, but you'll burn out doing it that way. Look around in your area for foster parent support groups. You'll be able to network with fellow foster parents who are all too willing to lend a helping hand whenever the need arises. (In some places, only other foster parents can look after foster kids, so it's especially important to make foster parent friends.) 

Do you know the laws in your region?

Laws vary from state to state, and even sometimes counties have their own way of doing things. In some places, you must have an agency represent you, while in others, an agency is optional. The state is usually a little more lax in its requirements to become a foster parent, but an agency, as a private entity, can sometimes enforce regulations that might keep you from becoming a foster parent. Fortunately, all agencies are a little different. Even if you need to go through an agency in your area, you can find one that meets your individual needs. While they may be more strict, agencies usually have more resources available to you than the state might, so weigh your options carefully and speak with current foster parents about them. 

Foster parenting is a rewarding, amazing, beautiful thing. If you foster, you will both fill your heart and break it, and sometimes it will happen all at once. You see the best in people, and you will sometimes see people fall hard. There's something beyond explanation that holds you when you see a child begin to blossom under your care. When a biological parent steps up and starts putting their lives back together, you cannot help but celebrate those wins with them. There is no doubt that fostering can be difficult, but you will be changing lives. 

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