(Guest Post) Tips To Help Your Child Deal With Bullies

Photo by Aro Ha

“One of the greatest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten in my life was from my mom. When I was a little kid there was a kid who was bugging me at school and she said “Okay, I’m gonna tell you what to do. If the kid’s bugging you and puts his hands on you, you ..lay him out...and I did and he never bugged me again.” 
― Johnny Depp

I remember reading this quote by Johnny Depp as an adult, and it hit home. I was bullied in in Middle School when I was 11 years old - and had an older girl yank up my top to show my exposed breasts to all her friends. I wore a bathing suit, sometimes two pairs, under my clothes to school for the next two years.

Now as a parent, my child comes up telling me stories about a playground bully who’s started picking on her. I have always taught my child to stand up for herself and not to ever back down (perhaps it was Depp’s words that rang in my ears). I have to honestly say as a parent that I’m not sure if this advice is helping or making things worse. The more my child stands up for herself, the more the playground bully seems to escalate their actions to try and dominate her.

We’ve tried a lot of different strategies in dealing with this girl:

1) Making friends with the other child. I offered to set up a playdate? My child was horrified at the thought - scrap that idea.

2) Standing up to the bully and asserting herself? This doesn't;t seem to be working either. The other child seems to ramp up her efforts instead

3) Ignore the bully? That hasn’t worked either - probably for obvious reasons, but I thought it was worth a shot

4) Speak to the teachers and ask for help. At the very least they need to be made aware of this. Over the years I have had multiple trips to the Principal’s office and I’ve sent multiple emails and requested multiple emails to teachers. Some have been handled appallingly (in one situation they tried to cover it up and didn’t even tell the other child’s parents there was an issue for fear of losing their “funding”).

5) Enroll your child in a martial arts program, build their self esteem and self-confidence. Of all the strategies I have tried, this is the one that seems to have the most long lasting benefit, as well as the strategy above.

As Single parents, we HAVE TO SPEAK UP for our children and be their advocate. I have learned this the hard way. I had naively thought that the school teachers were already aware of the issues and were taking care of things. Don’t ever make that assumption. Also don’t assume that just because you raise it once that they are taking action. Make sure you follow up a week later, and then a month later. And then the month after that. It is so true that in life “the squeaky wheel gets the oil.”

If you have any other tips to deal with bullies, we’d love to hear from you! Add a comment below or write us your own blog post on this very important topic!