New Mom Advice: Preparing for Motherhood as a Single Woman
“In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves.” —Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in America, and about 80 percent of those are mothers. Whether you are becoming a single mom by choice or circumstance, preparing for your little one’s arrival can be an exciting yet stressful time. As a first-time mom, no doubt you’ll face some challenges along the way.
Consider these tips to see how solid preparation, expert advice, and a support system will allow you and your baby to thrive.
Get your vehicle ready.
If you have been driving around in a two-seater, it's time to upgrade to a coupe or another vehicle with space in the backseat for your baby. Start researching infant car seats, and take a look at the ease-of-use ratings from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA).
It's also a good time to take a look at your car insurance policy to ensure you’re sufficiently covered in the event of an accident. While married couples can often get discounts just for being married, there's no discount for being a single parent. Fortunately, you can find other ways to reduce your premiums such as low mileage and safe driver discounts.
As far as safety is concerned, using your smartphone wisely while driving is paramount. Hands-free operation will be important to reduce distractions, and a quality charger is a must-have item. The time will likely come when it’s necessary to pull over to charge your phone, such as when you need GPS or when you need to stay connected. Fortunately there are a number of chargers that do the job lightning fast (some of them up to 50-percent faster than standard chargers), so you won’t be stopped for long. Consider getting a wireless charger, so you won’t have to deal with the cord or worry about whether you have the correct connection to your car’s power.
You can also get a lower insurance rate if you’re a member of a union or interest group. Be sure to add your baby to your health insurance when they are born, and consider upgrading your life insurance policy as well.
Prepare your home.
Getting your house ready for your baby's arrival isn't only about decorating the nursery, though that can be fun, too. You'll also want to give your home a safety check.
Before your baby arrives, replace the batteries in your smoke detectors and install a carbon monoxide detector, if you don't already have one. Check the recall list from Consumer Affairs to make sure baby's crib is safe, and remove all pillows, blankets, and stuffies from the crib. Put a list of emergency numbers, including the doctor's office, hospital, and poison control on the refrigerator and by your bedside. Also, install handrails on stairways, and always use them when carrying your baby on the stairs.
Arrange for a cleaning service to deep clean and sanitize your home with non-toxic cleaning products right before your baby is due. If the baby comes unexpectedly early, ask a friend to call the cleaning company and get it done while you are at the hospital. Also, make sure all your baby (and mommy) essentials are stocked in your house before your baby arrives. Use Amazon or another retailer to auto-ship diapers, wipes, and other baby products, so you don’t have to make any late-night store runs with your baby.
Before your baby starts crawling, you'll also want to move cleaning products and medications to a locked cabin out of reach, secure furniture to the walls, cover unused electrical sockets, add safety latches on cabinets, use protective padding on sharp corners of furniture, and keep cords out of reach.
Assemble your support system.
You’ve heard that “it takes a village” and it certainly does. This was why Julie Guest began her blog Single Mother Goddess: “It was exactly the kind of resource I searched for, but could not find; someone who had walked my path and could tell me that not only would my child and I be just fine as our own family unit -- but that we would thrive and achieve a level of happiness and a life I never thought possible.”
You need your mom, sister, best friend, and/or tribe to step up and be your support system. Though right now you probably can’t imagine leaving your baby’s side for a single second, there will be a day soon when you want to take a shower or get out of the house alone for a few minutes.
There will be moments when you feel stressed out and exhausted, and just need a break or someone to listen. It’s important to arrange for someone to get you to the hospital and be with you during labor and delivery. Also, consider asking a friend to organize a meal train for your first few weeks after delivery.
Get help from the pros.
You’ve probably been researching motherhood since the day you found out you were pregnant, but it’s crunch time now. If you are hesitant about breastfeeding, Parents magazine suggests contacting a lactation consultant for a prenatal appointment to talk about your fears, get your questions answered, and learn about factors that may affect breastfeeding. A board-certified consultant can teach you about basic infant positioning and latching, milk expression and storage, and just about everything else about breastfeeding.
One of the most important things to remember about breastfeeding is to relax. When you are nervous, your baby will be nervous, too, and may not be able to latch correctly. Rather than trying to breastfeed on a set schedule, let your baby determine how and how long to nurse by their needs.
Investigate all your childcare options.
Even if your job will allow an extended maternity leave, you should investigate your childcare options before the baby arrives. While some single moms hire a night nurse, others go it alone and only use childcare on occasion. Talk to your employer about the possibility of working from home, if possible, even when your leave is over. This will give you more time to continue bonding with your baby before having to utilize daycare or a nanny.
Get organized.
Get a week-by-week pregnancy planner to help you stay organized until your baby arrives. Planners can help you keep track of doctor's appointments, baby's development, shopping lists, and much more. If you prefer a smartphone app instead of a paper organizer, try the Sprout Pregnancy app which includes a pregnancy journal, kick counter, contraction timer, checklists, and many other features to keep you organized and educated about your growing baby.
Take a babymoon.
Yes, traditional babymoons are for couples to get away together one last time before the baby arrives, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take a quick vacation just because you’re single. Grab your best friend for a weekend trip, or go it alone. Do something that you enjoy that you probably won’t be able to do for a while with a wee one in tow.
Becoming a first-time parent is scary for anyone, and that feeling intensifies when you are doing it alone. But with these tips, you can be better prepared and fully enjoy motherhood. You’ll also form an incredible bond with your baby, and that’s the most important thing of all.
About the Author, Sheila Johnson
Sheila once enjoyed a very successful career, but it came at a cost. Those long work weeks pulling overtime left her feeling stressed and burnt out. She barely had time to see her husband, and she certainly wasn’t prioritizing her health.