"We didn't realize that we were making memories. We just knew we were just having fun."
A.A. Milne

Becoming a foster parent is daunting. There's so much to think about before you even bring a child into your home. Getting your house ready, passing all the checks that the state puts into place and readying your family for another kid, or multiple kids, is definitely a good bit on your plate. It's all doable, though, especially when you give yourself a little grace, and take things one at a time. Once all the practical things, like clothes and bedding, for example, are all taken care of, it's time to make sure that your biological children and your foster children are going to live in harmony.

Keep birth order intact

For very young children, under the age of three or four, this isn't quite as important, but bringing in a child older than your oldest child can disrupt things more than you might think. Bringing in children who are younger than your youngest isn't usually a problem, but usurping your oldest's place can actually be a little traumatic.

The oldest child, whether that child is 5 or 16, has grown up with a certain place in the family, and oftentimes they will take on some responsibility as they grow. Sometimes, bringing in an older child can disrupt that. As much as possible, let your biological children stay in their established order in your home. It helps to more easily integrate foster children.

Don't play favorites

It's tempting to go all out on your foster kids, and give them all the things that they haven't experienced. Doing that, though, can alienate your biological kids, who may feel slighted that you're going all out on the new arrivals. Conversely, if you give more obvious attention to you biological children, your foster children will definitely notice.

Treat everyone equally. That's not to say that you can't set up parent/kid days out. You should be giving each child individual attention. Just make sure that everyone gets the same amount.

Do fun things together

Family game night is a great way to get to know each other. Having dinners together, or having your kids help you cook are great ways to spend time together. You want to help create good memories and good times together. That helps both biological and foster kids find their place, and feel welcome.

The fun things don't have to be extravagant, and it might even be better if they're not.

The most important piece of advice, though, is that you should never hesitate to ask for advice and help. Reach out to family and friends, and be sure to follow us for more inspiration and tips.

Building Bridges: How to Integrate Foster Kids Into Your Family